Current Mood: Missing my mom
Current Song: Jangan Pisahkan by Phyne Ballerz
*My post gonna be personal today. Read it if u want to*
Yesterday night, i received a new from Asfan that one of my friend’s mom passed away due to stomach cancer. I was stunned when i heard the news. I’m speechless for a moment. Today, me and most of my friend went to my friend’s house for ‘kenduri tahlil’.
When i got the news, 1st thing that come to my mind is my mother. I just don’t know why lately i am so emotional towards anything that related to mother. I called my mother just now. Talk to her. Update her on what happen over here. To tell u the truth, i am scared of losing her. I wanna be by her side most of the time.
I was never really an emotional person before i came to Miri. I cried of coz. Miri teach me 1 thing for sure. Family. I’ve never been away from my family since i was a toddler. When i decided to go Miri, one of the reason is to be away from my mother becoz indirectly, i blame my mom for my breakup with Zarul. She doesn’t like him at 1st place. I remembered i told her that i wanna travel far away from her, so she wont be able to control my life. I wanna leave away from my family. I wanna proof to her that i can leave my life better without her becoz she always said that i will never forget all nagging towards me when i do sumthing wrong.
But, everything turns out to be different. I missed her badly. When i was at home, i usually quarrel with her becoz of our different prospective in some issues. I never agreed to most of her advices or thoughts. I was a very stubborn person, 1 of the characteristic that i inherited from her. She say sumthing to me in the phone just now. Why am i so worried about her, so cared about her when i was far away from her. When i was with her for my 18 years of life, i never cared that much for her. It really hit me just now.
I know i was never an obedient daughter to her. I am not like my brother. I had so much fight with her, sumtimes on small matters. When i remembered back, most of the fight happen becoz of me. I’m too stubborn and ego towards my mom. I wanna proof to her that i was right n she was wrong. I never thought being away from her makes me missed her alot.
One of the reason why i push myself so hard in my studies is becoz of her. She sacrifices everything for me and i never appreciate that when i was with her. I owned to her to be a better person in everything.
*Dear God, please protect my family wherever they are*