Current Mood: I am so waiting for u…please come 😦

Current Song: Crazy by KC & Jojo

Hey people! What’s up? It’s been a week since i updated my blog. Good. It means i do my studies and other works 😀

I wanna share something that come between me and sweetheart during our chat last night but i think i wanna keep it on hold first. Still thinking of writing it later. Hehe. Till that post is up, i’ll leave u guys with something interesting that i took from one of the Curtinian friends, Nadea. It’s about guys’ whats and whys. Have fun reading it. Do leave your comment ya 😉

He chats up his female friends.
Who doesn’t? Guys can be platonic pals with girls; so don’t get all jumpy when he innocently checks in with them on how they are doing. Would you expect your guys pal to stop caring about you just because you’re someone else’s girl?

Haha. I had this problem once when Zarul used to be really close to Fairous. Of course at that time Fairous was with Qayum, Zarul’s best friend but most of the time when Zarul and me gets into a fight, Fairous is the one who he talks to. Sometimes i think they know each other more than i know Zarul. Haha. I really don’t like it at first but through out the relationship, i understand that sometimes a man needs other woman opinions. Haha. Now, i’m in Fairous shoe’s and it is good to know that when a guy really loves his girl, he will do anything to show and make the girl understand that she’s the one for him.

He shuts down during fights.
Some guys need to step away from a fight to cool off and think before they can address their feelings. This doesn’t mean that he’ll never talk to you, it just means that you need to give him some space. Could you think, if in a stressful situation, where you were being yelled at or forced to confront your issues before you were ready?

I never had this situation before. When both of us got into a fight, it’s nasty. Sometimes, i really don’t remember that i yelled at him and he screams back to me. We really fight. On the phone of course. There was a time when he really get pissed off with me, he just throw his handphone.

He keeps in touch with his ex.
Unless it was an ugly and disastrous break-up, there is nothing wrong with him and his ex staying friends. It’s only natural that he wonders about the welfare of a former flame. If it makes you uncomfortable, tell him how you feel but trust him enough to NOT cross the line.

This was never an issue in my relationship since he had a really nasty breakup before he met me. He really hates her to the max which i totally like because i had nothing to worry about (at that time). Now, i’m in the position of being his ex and he still keep in touch with me BUT without the knowledge of current gf. I have to respect his desicion on that although i didn’t favour it. After all, it is just a simple call or msg.

He forgets the little things
…like your plans for Friday. It’s not that he thinks your plans are unimportant, but its difficult for him to hang on to ALL the information you give him. Guys make the effort to remember anniversary dates, your favourite ice cream and the way your hair smells. You could give his memory a break for Friday’s plans, right?

NOT ME! I am a person who likes details. There were times where i used to ask him randomly my favourite stuffs or my activities or even my timetable. Thank God Zarul really makes the effort to remember every details about me although there were times where i forgot everything about him. Hehe. I love him for that 🙂

He’s supposed to pick you up at nine, but only arrives an hour later.
What do you think he’s doing? Meeting up with another girl? Maybe he got some last minute chores to do. The important thing is to quit being suspicious and paranoid. Always allow him to explain why he’s late before you berate him for his tardiness. If it becomes routine though, do put a stop to it, chronic tardiness could mean he doesn’t respect your time.

He NEVER late in any of our date. Seriously. Can you imagine what time he woke up if he was at my house 8 am and he lives in Klang? I’m the one who abit late. Hehe.

He never gets you the right gift.
This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. Buying the best gifts are traits your mum and BFF have dibs on. Men are terrible at buying gifts. You cant expect him to buy that perfect surprise gift. Cut him some slack. Maybe you should point him in the right direction next time!

I didn’t give him a chance to buy me anything except foods and cinema and sometimes topup. That’s it. There were 3 things that he gaves me; Eminem’s Curtain Fall cassette, Blue Adidas ID Band and a ring. I LOST the ring before we even break up. He is a person who has high taste in almost everything. I admit that. Most of my stuff was chosen by him when we were together. I have this mental block; if someone gives me a present, i need to get them one back. That’s why i’m not a fan of presents.

He puts his guy friends before you.
Should coupledom signify the end of his 10-year friendships? How is it wrong if he spent the entire the entire week with you and wants 90 minutes to watch football with his mates on the weekend? Don’t you think that it’s a fair trade? You could use the time apart to focus on you.

This is so Zarul. His friend is his number one priority. I learn that indirectly from his friends. I have nothing against it since i do appreciate my friends as much as i appreciate him in my life. Therefore, one of my ground rule when i was with him was i will not interfere him if he is hanging out with the clan. No msg and calls until he gets back home. I like that rule because 1, he does hangout with his friends alot at night. So, i had my alone time for myself or even for my friends. I just can’t see myself being with him 24 hours.

Current Mood: Working Time

Current Song: Dead and Gone by T.I feat. Justin Timberlake

Hello people 🙂 Just wanna say thank you for all your supports for 2 of my past blog post.

For the one who commented and the one who asked me on what happen…thank you alot.

Seriously, i am good right now. As i always said, i love my friends no matter who you are because you tends to leave a really distinctive marks in my life (exception to the one i hate of course, but still, i remember them because i hate them 😛 )

Its gonna be hectic weeks for me starting this week. Lots of works and assignment needs to be done…huhu. Again, my laziness takes the toll of me. Haih. WAKE UP Rahilah!

Today, i received a phone call from the ex around 5 am in the morning! I really wanna kill him. Thank God i was not sleeping at that time. Astonishingly, he remembered me, like 3 days before my birthday! WTF! Seriously, aku dah tak kuasa nak marah and care about it anymore. He called to explain why he didn’t reply my friendly msg…yada yada yada…He’s a good friend and used to be a good lover. Really. I can’t deny that fact. But i guess, if he’s not gonna be the one who cut this relationship, i think i will. Have u ever thought that u can fall in love so deeply that it even consumes u? I’ve been there once.

I really wanna clear something. I was told by someone that i’m a ‘player’. That is such a strong word for me. Saya x pernah cakap saya jatuh cinta dengan any of my scandal! That’s the main fact. Saya Jatuh Suka. That’s my word. To me, it makes a really big different. With Zarul, yes, i fell in love for the 1st time but until now, none of my scandals makes me feel that way and i like it because i am not ready to fall in love yet. Love is such a strong feeling. To me, the person that i jatuh suka with is the one yang i tend to be close to, see whether they have what i need in my man, then i’ll say that i will jatuh cinta. That’s why it doesn’t hit me hard when someone rejects me when i told them that i like them. They may take it wrongly i guess…or could it be my mistake of not making it clear enough?

That’s exactly what i feel towards Sayang, Mi Novio, Gorgeous, Sweetheart, Cayang and Boo. Saya jatuh suka dengan anda 🙂

4 of them is already taken but they still treat me the same as before. The way that i always jatuh suka with them.

I hope this gonna clear cut everything yeah. I know when i like someone i tends to be very passionate about that person. Try to please and to have as much time as i could with them. But then again, it’s for the evaluation of whether i’m going to fall in love with them or not. By saying no to my question whether you like me or not, is gonna give the answer to how will i react with you after the confession part. As far as i can tell, they treat me well enough because i don’t ask for anything more 🙂

Current Mood: Self Explanatory

Current Song: Ordinary People by John Legend

I had dinner with the ‘brother’ of mine, Tompoq. I was having my ‘sharing session’ with him. The talk go something like this…

Me: Abang, i have problem.

Tompoq: Masalah pe?

Me: A friend of mine ade masalah ‘friend jelousy’ syndrome. Mcm aku dulu la

Tompoq: Tu bukan masalah. Ko je yang bermasalah dengan diri ko

Me: I know. But aku recover dengan ok skrg ni. Masalah member aku ni is die take this matter really seriously. Die boleh get really distracted by this issue.

Tompoq: U just have to let that person know that the problem she/he had right now is not a problem of anyone. It is the inner problem.

Well, the conversation goes along way but i have to say yang i am agree with ape yang tompoq cakap.

I will tell u my part of story.

I had this syndrome during 2008 when a friend of mine (a girl) get closer to one of my good friend (a boy). Aku jenis yang if i love my friends, i love them as much as they love me. Since i love my good friend ni too dearly, aku jadi sangat pissed off when ade org lain like try to take away what i have.

Nak dijadikan cerita, the girl became a bit closer to my dearie friend ni. The 1st thing that came to my mind bile i dapat tau is ‘betina ni mesti nak amik tempat aku dalam hidup mamat ni’. Gua jadi extremly bengang beb. I know i have no reason to think like that but bayangkan la if everyday people ask u, ‘betul ke mamat tu couple dgn minah tu?’, ‘aku nmpk dorg keluar clubbing berdua’, ‘aku jumpe minah tu tengah makan dgn mamat tu’, the list of questions and statements can goes all the way long but yang paling sakit sekali is when people cakap cmni kat u, ‘ko kan rapat dgn die, die x ckp pape ke?’ and this statement, ‘lepas ni ko dah xleh la nak berkepit dgn die 24 hours. Die bakal berpunya’. As a really close friend to the guy, ape korg akan rasa if someone attack u like dat? Bengang kan.

That’s what i gone through every single day when they started being close. I literally hate the girl so much, i can’t even expressed it in a word. I tends to avoid her or having conversation with her. I avoid the boy too.

Do u guys know how this feel? Korg xtau and xkan tau and xkan faham becoz u are not me. U never been in my shoes to experience what i felt. Cume org yg berada dalam situasi ini je yg faham mcm mane rasenye ko hilang member baik ko. Its more painful than losing ur boyfriend. Seriously. Aku dah pernah rasa both of the losses. It is sucks like hell ok! I don’t wanna go through the same phase anymore.

What i do after that was take a time to think and reflect on what have i done and why all of this happen.

I do realize it is due to my stupidness of thinking that she will replace my place in the guy’s life. By avoiding him or her, the problem will no resolve at all. I take my time of being away from him. Tak lunch dengan the guy. Tak lepak with him. Don’t bother to talk to him unless if he wanted to do so. It is agony, i know but i can’t think any other good way to make me get used to the fact that he has someone else besides me.

I know this problem is an internal problem. Believe me. But as a human, we have right to express our feelings kan? There are times where i become so angry with myself because taking this matter so seriously. My brain says no but my heart says yes. Sometimes, i’m such a emotional person. I don’t think rationally, especially when it’s come to feeling. Really hate this part of me.

Right now, i can honestly say that i am still hate the girl. I know she does not make any wrong. The problem with me is once u annoy me or u interrupt my fucking life, especially the private life of mine, i swear to God, i can hate u with all my life. I can seat and talk to her. I know i am faking it but even how much i hate her, it doesn’t change the fact that the tragedy has happened. She has her own life that does not include me and i have mine which does not includes her even though we have the same clan of friends. I know some of my friends like her more than i. I accept that openly. At least, i know who’s my friends and who’s my foes.

So, instead of hating her, i just end up not to bother about her anymore. It is such a nice feeling after all.

U guys must be asking why i didn’t ditch my guy friend as well kan? Because i can’t do that. I known him for 3 years. I shall not sacrifice my friendship for a stupid jealousy problem. Thank God that i have a really understanding friend. I heart him for that because he knows me too well to hate me on what i have done to him and the girl.

Tompoq told me this, ‘Ko kena buat member ko tau yg die xde hak nak buat pape pun kalo member die tu nak couple ke or xnak jadi member die ke because people comes and goes. She/he has to learn to accept that fact. Simple’.

Yeah, it sounds easy to say rather than do it. Truthfully, i have not learn to accept that fact yet. To me, its kinda scary to know that u gonna loose someone so dear to u, plus if u loose it in the ugly way.

To whoever facing this kind of situation, i just wanna say good luck in facing it. The cure for this syndrome is u, urself. No one else can make u feel better besides urself. Just try to see the bright sight of things. It hurts. I know but at least, u learn that anything can happen in this world. We sometimes forget that the ‘jodoh, pertemuan, ajal, maut di tangan Allah s.w.t. Try to appreciate anything and everything surrounds u so that u won’t feel that u are walking alone in this big universe.

p/s: sorry for the rambling. Kalo ade sesape terasa pun, saya mintak maaf ek. To the girl, if u reading this, i am so sorry that we ended up this way. I wish i could be different but since u have no intention to make it more than just acquaintance, i shall remain myself the same way as i am before i met u.