We had Skype session last night. It’s been awhile. We Skyped only when I was in Atlanta.
I don’t know why but I’m so happy to see him in Skype. It is not that I didn’t see him throughout the whole day. We break fast together because he worked morning shift this week.
Everything was restore back to normal. He said I shouldn’t think about anything. I guess I can let go the thought sometimes but it haunts me. It makes me become clingy because of not wanting to loss him. I’m afraid I that I will.
I just need to stop being negative for awhile.
We went to Danga Bay yesterday. That’s our normal place to talk about us, our life and direction.
I was given an ultimatum yesterday. It was the first time I knew that he was devastated about Boboy. He was devastated about Miri. He clearly mentioned he was disappointed in me. I had my fair share too but I know no matter what I said, i’m in the wrong side.
He was right about everything he said. About truth and honesty and trust. I did betrayed his trust after our last biggest fight (my bday), where he was about to leave me completely. I begged for a chance. But here I am, destroying it again.
I only have until end of this year to turn 50-50 ratio to 80-20. I am still in debt with him because of what happen in Miri. I wish I was not that selfish. Yes, he mentioned I’m selfish. I just want to get myself happy and be in control. I’m totally wrong.
He told me I’m the best in treating him they way he should be treated as a bf and I’m trying hard to be what he wants me to be (better than what I am currently) but what I couldn’t do is take care of his heart. That’s where I lost him.
I will get back his heart. He is my life. No matter what happen, I’ll get him back.
I’ll be visiting you more frequently starting from today since I won’t be having someone to be with me for my tears and cringe. You the closest friend I have so far.
I’ll be facing challenges and difficulties in my relationship. No one say it’s going to be perfect and easy. But I’m not so sure on how strong I am to get through this rough patches. I clearly know that I’m the one who created the mess. It’s time to face the consequences.
How hard, or terrible or crazy it would be, I promise to stay, regardless of my emotional condition. Because I was given a chance once, I must be able to give back.
I’m going to fight for this love because it worth it.