the reborn (i hope)

Again, it’s been awhile since i write anything here. I miss writing, very much. Like one of my babes, Azureen wrote in her blog post. Missing the reader who actually reads my blog, missing the people opinion that i’ve got from each thoughtful post i wrote (at least i think it’s thoughtful). HAHA.

I realized i stop writing when i’m in a relationship. Every time i want to write something, it will become very personal. It comes to some extend that i don’t want people to know me very well or be apart of my personal life because to me, i need to trust that someone in order for me to reveal my personal part. I guess everyone are like that too.

I finally completed my tertiary education after 5 long and wonderful years. I realized that right now, i’m in my withdrawal syndrome. Leaving Miri is hard. I thought i won’t be thinking about Miri when i finished my studies. I was wrong. I do miss Miri, BADLY. Miri thought me to be a person, literary. Miri is a place that i wanna be again, if i can, in this 5 years time. My love is in Miri. But i think Abah was right. I love Miri because of the sense of independence that i’ve got there. Back in Shah Alam, i’m like a bird in a cage, literary. In Miri, i only have myself to think of, to take care of. I have to say, i forgot how to live as a family.

For now, i’m at home, job hunting. I hope i can get the best out of everything. It is the payback time now. I’m hoping and praying for the best.

 

Till next post people.

Lots of love,

Rahilah Abdul Halim ๐Ÿ™‚

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the roller coaster emotion

Good Day People, whoever still reading my dead blog.

I’m half way of my final semester now. What i can say, everything is just interesting and fits all the missing pieces perfectly.

Skipped classes alot, its not like i want to but i don’t feel the necessary of doing so.

Been thinking about what happen after i get through this semester, work or Master. I would love to work but Master sounds good too. Still, i haven’t figure out on what to do, either continue on technical stuff or something that related to what i like. To name a few, Economics, Science Politics, International Relation, Law, or maybe Archeology. I love history and anything to do with people and world.

And true, that i’m in love, with someone who i don’t even now how he feels about me. Been trying so hard to dig that info out of him but i guess i can’t never get the answer. Till date, he’s the perfect guy that i can never ask for more. What’s more weird is i still stick like a glue to him. I thought i lost the character of being loyal to a boy after Zarul but i guess, i’m still around because i haven’t get the closure i want. And i just hate that. But above all that, being with him makes me feel more connected to myself, as in i wanted to try to do more things that i thought i don’t have time to do or i’m afraid to do. He gives me the confident i need. Just that i wish that i can be the only girl that he talks too but for sure, that will be hard enough for him because he doesn’t has feeling for me.

FYP is killing my ass but the best part, it got me hooked to Control, the unit that i hate so much, after Thermodynamics. I just hope i will do my best for all my units this semester, just to push my CWA.

Life has been interesting on me, really interesting. I wish it keeps on being like this. I feel good ๐Ÿ™‚

Will update again, just don’t know when

Rahilah

sometimes

Current Mood: twisted and turn

Current Song: Knock You Down by Keri Hilson feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo

Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down

I seriously don’t know what to feel now days.

I forgot how is it feels like having someone else there for you, through your whole day, besides family & closed friends.

I forgot how to appreciate and to understand the fact that i have someone else with me to share my part of life.

I forgot how to return a really good kindness and care that someone else give to me.

I simply forgot how to behave like a really thankful person who got her prince charming even though it is gonna be just for a while.

YES, I Forgot! and i’m sad for that…

I really wish i can say things differently.

I really wish that i’m not that complex.

I cried alot lately. Its like the old times.

I guess i have relationship problem.

Life

Zura wrote a beautiful note to me…

it sounds like this….

‘Hill,

Wish you every happiness. Life is EASY, you make CHOICES and don’t turn back’

i never really get her words on that day….until i read it again yesterday. I posted it on my room’s wall. I read it thrice…then it really hits me…

Life is EASY. CHOICES are what makes your life.

Choose to be good or bad.
Choose to be better or worst.
Choose to be silent or loud.
Choose to be calm or hyper.
Choose to be sad or happy.

If we love alot of choices when we go shopping, in life, we don’t really want alot of choices sometimes.

If you choose a wrong dress or shirt, you can just change it or give it to someone else.

If you choose a wrong choice in life, you can’t just pass it or make it right, isn’t it?

I do think sometimes i make a wrong decision because i just want to know how wrong can the wrong decision be. I know its sound stupid or illogical but my curiousity beats everything else. True, most of the wrong decision is wrong. Never do things that people say is wrong. Its not worth it.

Kak jam will always say this to me, ‘Hill, choose a path that Allah likes the most, not you like the most’. The solution to all the choices that i have to make. Simple one.

BUT

till today, i don’t live by that rule most of the time. There’s the time i do what i think is right to me rather than what i think is right in God’s point of view.

Such a bad servant i am.

20th

I’m just the company for him to get over his boredness…

well…

i have the feeling i might end up being his companion only, nothing more.

another chapter in someone’s life is my whole book of feelings

Gloomy day, gloomy heart, gloomy post

Current Mood: Jiwa kacau tak pasal2

Current Song: Private Emotion by Ricky Martin and Meja

Gloomy days leads to gloomy heart.

One of my friend once told me that wheather can really affect someone’s heart or someone’s heart can affected the wheather. Either way, i’m badly effected.

i heard a story last 2 days. a gloomy story. i was sad because it badly affected this one person that closed to me. I wish i can help. I think the only reason i can’t was because conflict of interest. I want the gloomy story to happen but in the same time, i hope it won’t. I can’t think straight anymore.

I wanna stop liking people. It makes me crazy with all the depressing thoughts and paranoid. Liking people who doesn’t like you back is seriously stupid, i know but i can’t control my heart and desire no?

Me and my heart, we ALWAYS have issues.

I just need to get focus on my assignments and study for another 2 test. I will be fine if i’m busy. I need my holiday to clear my imaginary thoughts of everything.

For once, i really really really wanna stop liking people.

Bien รก vous

yours aye in the state of jiwa kacau